We all have asked ourself this question a million times. ”Why is dating so hard? How can we make dating easier?” In fact, modern times have clearly altered the way we interact with each other. Dating sites, social media, and technology in general, have made ‘finding love’ even more complicated. Although the sensation of meeting someone with whom we click instantly, and develop a particular connection and excitement, many often end up disappointed and disheartened. So again, why is dating so hard?
Moreover, experts shared their professional point of view on how to make dating easier on yourself. life coach Kali Rogers argues that one of the main reasons we struggle with finding the right one, has a lot to do with each and one of us on a personal level. Actually, she claims that falling in love requires vulnerability, and ”It’s tough to put yourself out there on display for people to view, judge or pick apart.” However, certain tips can help make dating easier on yourself, and this is what we found out about experts’ advice to embark on an easier journey of modern dating.
Manage Your Expectations
They say that if you don’t have expectations, you avoid disappointments. While that might be easier to believe, it’s not entirely true, according to experts. In fact, the healthiest way to front disappointments, is by simply adjusting your expectations to the current situation. Nevertheless, establishing standards when it comes to dating is a must. However, don’t create unreasonable terms, and expect everyone to fit into them. Certified relationship coach Rosalind Sedacca, shared her thoughts with Bustle. She argues that “When you approach dating with a bunch of ‘should’ rules, you set yourself up for disappointment and stress.”
Instead, being yourself is the healthiest form to build an honest connection with someone, and to make dating easier. Therefore, it’s better to lay your cards on the table as you get to know the person.
Learn To Self-Control
Nevertheless, not building expectations doesn’t mean letting yourself totally go with the flow. One of the main reasons people struggle to stick with someone is ”clinginess.” Let’s be honest, no one likes a pushy and needy person. Knowing your limits is actually key for any relationship to work. Yes, dating is hard, but you know what’s harder? Getting ‘ghosted’ without an apparent reason. Furthermore, experts recommend practicing self-control, and knowing when to fight for something, and when to simply let go. In addition, constantly investing in finding your love is exhausting, and causes burn-out. In order to avoid that, know when it’s time to take a break, and focus on your goals instead.
Life coach, Carmen Parks says that ”you need to take the time you need to become the partner you want to be and make room for the partner you wish to attract.” Because there is nothing more important than self-love in order to entice the right person, which will evantually make dating easier.
Date Smarter
As a direct consequence of self-control, you will find that your emotions become stronger and reasonable. In fact, that will allow you to use your intuition wisely, and approach dating in a smarter way. Furthermore, a common mistake we all make when we think ”we found the one” is that we go all-in. However, and according to love therapists, such method is self-consuming. In fact, when we do that, we unconsciously become dependent on the other person. That includes waiting for their text, contemplating who should make the first move, and that takes us back to the expectations/disappointments point.
Moreover, when you learn to date smartly, you adopt mindfulness as your love strategy. Wellness expert Jamie Price concluded that in fact “When you bring the quality of mindfulness to dating, it can open up a world of relationship possibilities.” Which allows you to live in the moment, and avoid pressuring yourself and the other person into complicating how to express feelings.
Use Your Previous Experiences To Your Advantage
When people face trauma and bad experiences, they tend to shut themselves out, instead of using those experiences to their advantage. Consequently, we approach the next person with heavy baggage, and w often end up projecting our insecurities on them, and unconsciously block the flow before it stands an actual chance. Therefore, instead of letting it become an obstacle for your future relationships, learn to use your past experiences to your advantage. You may ask, ‘‘how do I willingly do that?’‘ Well, we admit that it’s not easy to control your emotions, but not everyone is the same.
If your previous partner cheated on you, then you are definitely now aware of those ‘little’ signs of toxicity. If your previous partner fell out of love with you, then you know by now what went wrong. In addition, sometimes it’s super important to realize the importance of timing, and that sometimes, good things have to fall apart so better things can fall together.
Don’t Put A Timeline On Love
The last point leads me to this. Putting a timeline for love is one of the greatest mistakes that makes love so hard. Unfortunately, society will always put the burden of having a partner upon us. When you reach 30 years old and most of your friends are getting engaged, married or having kids, while you are still single. It is completely normal to feel out of place, although it’s not really the case. Experts advice you not to strangle yourself with a timeline, because what’s more important in life is self-fulfillment and sufficiency.
To conclude, don’t rush into things because you simply ‘have to.’ Instead, work on yourself until you meet someone who is on the same page as you, and who is willing to make the same sacrifices as you. Many marriages fell apart because with time they both realized they weren’t a real solid match. Therefore, it’s definitely better to wait, than watch your effort cruel down before your eyes.
Photos: Unsplash, Freepik.
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