How can you possibly know that you are in a toxic relationship? It’s normal that the hardest part about falling in love with someone, is getting to the realization that your relationship with them is not going anywhere. As humans, we are wired to choose the easy way, and keep finding excuses for our partners rather than saying ”It’s time to go.’‘ However, the psychological damage caused by a toxic relationship, is sometimes, unrepairable. Psychologists warn about the harm of getting out late from a toxic relationship. In fact, according to study done on over 10.000 people, they found out that people who stayed longer with a toxic partner, were at a higher risk of developing heart problems, and even heart attacks.
Moreover, the big question remains ”When do you know it’s time to leave?” Well, although all relationships have their ups and downs, and toxic people don’t exactly come with a sign on their forehead, but there are ways to know. Here are few critical signs we are presenting you today, that mean you are in a toxic relationship, so you can pack your bags as fast as you can and ‘save yourself.’
Unfortunately, a lot of women find it appealing when men are jealous. Yes, it does show they are interested, they care about you and just want you to be theirs. What’s wrong with that, right? Well, a little bit of jealousy can be a sign of love, but over jealousy is a big warning. Does your partner blame you for attracting attention? do they want to have a say in how you dress? Do they throw mean comments about the people you hangout with? Stop giving excuses to overly possessive people, and draw boundaries.
This may be a direct consequence of over jealousy, but can also be one of the earliest signs that mean you are in a toxic relationship. Actually, a toxic relationship by definition, is feeling that everything you do or say with your partner is draining you. Therefore, if your significant other’s comments often leave you feeling sad and/or scared, run for your life! It could start with little things such as comments about your clothes, and it can go as far as mental/verbal abuse. If they are trying to change aspects about your physical appearance with comments like ”You look hideous in that outfit” or ”you need to lose/gain weight”, stop them there. You are not an object, nor a product of choice! You should be able to do whatever you please in a relationship, and feel good about yourself, not otherwise.
They Don’t Make Time For You
Yes of course they want to hangout with you, but is it all the time or only when it’s convenient to them? If the answer is the second option, then you should start asking questions. According to Sherry Argov’s best-selling book Why Men Love Bitches, a typical behavior of someone who is not interested in you, is making you accept their own terms in a relationship. In fact, the author explains how men loose interest rapidly in someone who is always available for them. However, they would still be willing to keep you as an option in their life. If this doesn’t mean they are a toxic person, then I don’t know what is.
It’s A One Way Street
In addition to not making as much time for you as you deserve, you also feel like you are making all the effort. You ask about them almost all the time, you make the initiative to meet etc… In fact, with this current pandemic and confinement, you really get to notice what you truly mean to someone. They know you are alone, they know you are stressed and anxious, so if you are always the one checking up on them, what does that tell you? Don’t allow yourself to be a choice for someone, especially when you are clearly making them a priority.
You feel More Invested Than Your Partner
This leads me to my next point. If they are not making enough time for you, and it’s definitely a one way street, then these are definitely signs that mean your are in a toxic relationship. Let me get one thing straight, a relationship doesn’t always mean being ”officially together. You could still be FWB or just hooking-up, but if you care about this person and you spend time with them, I don’t care what labels say, you are in a relationship. So, don’t use that lame excuse of ”we are not even together” to justify their behavior. If you feel more invested than the other person, then you should let them know, and make it clear that you will not going to put up with their BS.
Furthermore, all these previous signs must be making you emotionally exhausted. Wether they make you cry with their demeaning comments, or make you feel like an option, these are critical signs that mean they are toxic. You can’t keep fighting for someone who simply, doesn’t want to be fought for. Like Sherry Argov said, ”Anything a person chases in life runs away.”
Finally, leaving the least-obvious sign for the end. Have you ever heard of compulsory liars? Yes, they are the people who don’t even realize they are traumatized, and project their insecurities on others. They lie out of habit, because they don’t see what’s wrong with those ”little white lies.’‘ Have you even been with someone who says ”I didn’t lie, I just hid the truth?” Well, that’s the biggest sign you should slap them in the face and take off. (Well, maybe without the slap.) This type of people are going to blame you for everything, make it seem that whatever goes wrong is somehow your fault. Although in most cases it’s involuntarily, and they are just not aware that they need professional help. However, don’t stick around believing you can help them, because you can’t.
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